Human beings seem to have a preoccupation with labels. A place for everything and everything in its place, and each and every one has to have a label. Labels can be used to separate the familiar and safe from the unfamiliar and (potentially) dangerous. "Us" and "Them". This is a human survival trait Labels can also be used to hurt. Labels such as"fag","nigger","kike", "'wop" ,etc.,are used by one group to help them feel superior to another group, whether or not the implied inferiority is true.
One label that may not be considered derogatory but that I feel is very abused is "normal". Normal is a term used by statistical mathematicians (read as con-artists) to describe the distribution of a group of things. Remember tests being "graded on a curve"? In a group of people taking a test, for example, statisticians tell us that there should be a certain percentage of "A’s, more "B ‘s than "A’s, fewer "D’s than "C’s, etc. This is called a normal distribution. If the actual grades achieved on the test don't match up with the expected results, the person assigning the grades can adjust the individual grades so that as a group they match the normal distribution that is expected.
From the distribution of this data, you can derive a mean or an average value, and you can also determine how far a particular item differs from the mean. What you cannot do is look at any one item and say that it is or is not "normal". The term just does not apply.
One dictionary defines normal as an adjective meaning "according to standard or rule, regular, natural, or customary ",and that is somewhat closer to what people mean, but it is still not precise. I doubt that you could get more than two people to agree on just what "normal" is! I think that when most people use the word "normal", they should substitute the phrase "that which is acceptable to me".
When Dr. Leah Shaeffer spoke to our group, she said that we were "special", that we had been blessed by the experience of seeing life with a woman's soul through a man 's eyes. I like that.
So the next time some misinformed or frightened person informs you that you or what you are doing is "not normal" or "abnormal", spare them some forgiveness. They cannot help being "normal".

Dr. Stanley H. Biber lives and practices his profession in the quiet scenically magnificent town of Trinidad Colorado. This western town that has seen the likes of Bat Masterson as town marshal and that boasts of one of the three most scenic drives in Colorado, also finds itself serving as the host for the majority of all Sexual Reassignment Surgery done in the United States.  It is located approximately 12 miles north of the Arizona boarder and is an hour south of Pueblo (two and a half from Colorado Springs) on Interstate 25. The people are extremely friendly (not just to tolerant to TS's) and laid back. The respect they show for each other and the town they live in is evident everywhere you turn.
At a very young 67 Dr. Biber is still handling 100 to 150 SRS cases a year. The majority are Male to female; however he also does female to male. He has been doing SRS operating since 1969 and has consistently been perfecting his technique. Although small in stature this down to earth, sincere, caring man has earned the respect of the community he serves as well as Gender Identity Professionals throughout the world. According to Marie ,his secretary, he has no current plans to retire or to take on an assistant. At some point he may elect to do so; however the individual would have to believe in what Dr. Biber is doing and wish to carry on his work in Trinidad.

Travel Options

You can reach Trinidad by Train, Bus or indirectly by air. Reaching the town by train through Albuquerque NM or by bus from Denver are two of the most common ways people arrive. Both cities are approximately 200 miles from Trinidad. I would recommend however flying into Colorado Springs, Pueblo or Santa Fe and renting a car. National Car Rental has a site in Trinidad for drop-off. Unless you have a friend to go with you wouldn't want to keep the car for the entire time your there. Their number in Trinidad is (719) 8~3318.
You will need to arrive two or three days ahead of your admittance date for one last H.I.V. test. Plan accordingly and spend a little time vacationing and enjoying the beautiful sights in the area. You are 2 hours from Toas and 3 hours from Santa Fe. Planned correctly, an overnight trip to these towns is a wonderful experience. The 3 hour trip into the mountains west of Trinidad is also well worth your time. When you're done sight seeing and ready to check into Mount San Rafael drop the car off. You will be capable of driving when discharged; however a night's rest first might be in order. Joanna rode in the car for three hours the day of discharge with no problem and very little discomfort.
Remember, take things slow and don't lift anything heavy (pack lightly). Trinidad is in the desert and as such experiences warm days and cool nights. They get snow but it doesn't last long. You will not need much in the way of clothing once you're in the hospital.

Where To Stay
As part of the information package provided by Dr. Biber you will receive an excellent article written by the Ingersoll Gender Clinic on 'The Trinidad Experience". One of the hotels recommended was the Trinidad Motor Inn (719) 84&2271. It's on the opposite side of town from the hospital but it's a delightful place to stay. The Wjoylas operate the inn and serve the most delicious potato pancakes as well as other Polish dishes that l have had in a longtime. Watch out for calories. We found the rates very reasonable. They gave us room discounts and were very kind to us during our stay.

Admittance for SRS
On the day before surgery you will go to Dr. Biber's office and have a very pleasant meeting with Marie Pacino who will ask you a series of questions, explain what's going to happen and have you sign a series of releases. You will also make your final payment of$4,500to Dr. Biber (a $500 deposit was required to schedule the surgery). Additional payments for other surgery such as breast implants $1500, rhinoplasty $1500 and tracheal shave $ 1000 would also be due at this time. All funds must be in the form of a certified check. Most important however, she will ask you to define the name you wish to go by after surgery. A notarized form signed by Dr. Biber will be provided to you at discharge that will enable you to change all your legal records. If you want additional copies you should request them at this time.
You will then meet Dr. Biber. You will find him warm and very down to earth. He will conduct both an interview and examination as a final determination for your surgical eligibility. The questions are frank and to the point, but are designed to give him that final level of comfort that you have fully considered what you are about to do. I was allowed to be with Joanna during this session and found the man to be very sincere and proud of the help he has been able to provide for thousands of TS's throughout the world.

Mt. San Rafael
That afternoon (by 3pm) you will check into the hospital. Your first stop is admissions where you prepay your hospital bill of $5,925 which includes the anesthesiologist and covers your 8 day stay. The additional surgical procedures are an additional $200 for the anesthesiologist. On check out day you will need approximately $50.00 to cover the cost of prescriptions. Relax, the people are very friendly and over the next twelve hours a host of nurses, nurse assistants, orderlies, and of course Sister Roberta Marie, will stop by to see how you're doing. During the next eight days they will become your friends. Do not be afraid to ask questions. They will do everything they can to make your stay comfortable. This includes special requests from the kitchen. Joanna realized this too late. During the early evening you will see several videos (one is on the surgery), eat your last supper sitting up in a chair (for a while) and go through the shaving and bathing ritual. Enjoy that shower-At will be six days before you can do it again. You have a phone in the room, local calls are free and long distance is accessed through the use of calling cards. Normally you will have a post surgical in the room with you to help with pre operative jitters. Dr. Biber has two rooms set aside for SRS candidates.

Surgery
Seven o'clock found Joanna prepped and ready fur surgery. Sue and I were able to see her and actually walked to surgery with her. The surgery went very smoothly and was over at 10 o'clock. Both Dr. Biber and his surgical nurse Joe Van Loon kept us informed of her progress and both were very pleased with the operation's results. Both Sue and I were very impressed with the entire operating team. They all made it a point to check in on Joanna during the next eight days but Dr. Biber, Joe Van l,oon and Dorothy Goding CRNA (the anesthesiologist) went out of their way to check on her throughout her stay. By eleven o'clock she was back in her room and she had some lunch at noon.  We had a small celebration to welcome Joanna (a total female) to the rest of her life.
The afternoon is spent dozing and being prodded for medical information by the nursing staff. Dr. Biber's practice is not to give you blood during the operation unless absolutely needed. You will be about a pint down and it requires you to drink a lot of fluids to get it back up during the next eight hours. Your temperature and blood pressure will
remain low until you do.
The next day saw more discomfort. Joanna found that the dosage of pain medication could be increased by asking; however the staff seemed reluctant to willingly give you more than you need, so ask! By the third day the pain seemed to start to subside; however Joanna had some severe gas pains that built in intensity over the next few days.

Depression
Over the last six months I have had the opportunity to speak to a number of post operative TS's. Many sail through the process like it was a party. Others can experience serious periods of remorse for what they have done. In speaking with the staff at Mt. San Rafael I found out that it is quite common and they are on the lookout for it. It doesn't last long but post SRS recovery is a very important time to feel good about yourself. Try and make yourself up and keep happy pictures and or reminders around you. Looking at reminders of your past (your X or your children) hour after hour may not be the best idea.

He Takes A Tummy Tuck???
Six days after surgery the doctor removes a wire that is used to hold the organs in place and to provide a tighter tummy. There is no pain involved when this is removed. The seventh day finds you up and walking. Dr. Biber requires that you stay in bed for six days including the day of surgery. He has restructured (moved the heck out of) a number of your organs and has reworked your body and wired things to keep everything in place, (it tightens the tummy for a more feminine look). This procedure seems to be unique to him but it works well. Joanna is very pleased with the results. The seventh day found Joanna walking all around the hospital. We had a pizza party that evening. On the eighth day the packing is removed and you learn about your new life long friend. Welcome to the wonderful world of dilation. It will be with you the rest of your life.
We spent the last night at Colorado Springs having a lovely dinner in a local restaurant. The flight home was uneventful. However, keeping to a four or five times a day dilatation schedule is difficult during the flight. The doctor stressed that this would not be a problem if kept to a minimum. Dilation is a fact of life for post SRS. This schedule should be maintained for the first six months to achieve maximum success. After the surgery your depth and elasticity are based solely on how well you do your job. No surgeon, no matter how good, can help you; at this point it's all up to you.
Dr. Biber, his staff and all the people at Mt San Rafael do a wonderful job. His work is excellent and he deserves all the
recognition he has gotten. This Jackie can’t wait for her turn in a little town called Trinidad

by Jennifer A.
 

Our linguistic tradition, as befits its origins and heritage, is rich with agricultural metaphors. Many of these have, in modern times, been rendered obsolete or at least strange-sounding to our sophisticated urban/suburban ears. But everybody knows onions. Some people even LOVE onions. The lowly onion, in recognition of ONE of its peculiarly illustrative properties, exemplifies a simple but intriguing concept: that of "reality" or realizations being revealed through layered, sequential discoveries and insights In a linked (Markovian) interdependent sense. What you see at any given moment is merely the surface.

NOW; but - like an ocean or other significant body of water, to mix in the inevitable nautical reference - much remains hidden beneath, ALWAYS: one can only imagine or speculate as to what has not yet been directly exposed to conscious examination through direct experience.
So it is with transsexual transitions. One can easily chart landmarks or checkpomts as goals or indicators of progress along the way, but as with any notable endeavor, unexpected events, complications, or detours MUST be acconimodated and accepted as integral - even ESSENTIAL - ingredients of the overall process.

We have clear, familiar examples of such markers during transition approaching or contacting a clinic or support group, initiating hormonal therapy; beginning electrolysis, undergoing various surgical cosmetic procedures; entering the period offull4ime living in the gender role of choice; seeking approval for and completing sex reassignment surgery. Each of these is a specific, easily identified MAJOR action or accomplishment. As such, we tend to focus our attention on these as goals IN themselves. They are eminently TANGIBLE.

But life, like the onion, is far more subtle. Beneath each layer removed lies another, then another, lying in wait, all sharing aspects of the same general nature, yet each uniquely different from the others in infinitely intricate ways. In the aggregate, in fact, these layers constitute the onion itself.
This brings us to an interesting observation. For some strange reason that utterly defies logic or the way an IDEAL world would function (and in which, presumably, we should NOT find ourselves facing these trials in the first place),it seems that every milestone successfully negotiated somehow engenders its own higher-order set of concerns. After that initial surge of joy and optimism, doubts inevitably creep in. INEVITABLY. Okay, enough of theory; let's see if we can bring this down to earth with some specific examples.

Like, you finally find out about the Clinic or the XX Club and you finally get up the courage to make contact, and WOW! What a revelation! A whole new world opens up to you, of understanding and discovery, of hope and joy. But then, upon inspection, there seems to be SO MUCH yet to do just to get past the starting line, SO MUCH! Welcome to the realm of the onion, start peeling. Maybe you're learning the first steps of "The Transition Shuffle," by J. L. "Twinkletoes" A., now available in hardcover for only $3.98. Such a deal!
And then a while later you go before the Board and manage to get approval for your hormones, WOW! And maybe you even get the prescription filled and start gobbling down those pills, scrupulously, religiously, before sneaky little doubts begin to raise their nasty little heads, A deeper layer of the onion reveals itself: is your prescription correct When will things start to happen? Will those pills EVER work? Gee, you’ve been taking them for a WHOLE WEEK now, and... Well, gosh! You probably would NEVER have anticipated such rumblings of disquiet, would you? But they're there, and if you're not careful they may grow to dominate much of your waking existence. And make you miserable all over again. The onion?

WELL, the best solution is to RUN, don't walk, down to your local neighborhood drugstore and purchase an encyclopedia, "Dr. J's Official Street Guide to Steroid Hormones, " for the low, low price of three dollars and ninety-eight cents!  Amaze your friends and confound your enemies with your expert knowledge of the basic all-purpose cyclo--pentano-phenanthrene structural formula. You'll jump with excitement on learning ALL about your androgens and estrogens and how EASY it is to change one into another simply by switching a ketone and a hydroxyl, and adding or subtracting an ethyl group at the carbon-10 location, HEY! Easier than opening childproof pill bottles! Find out the difference between "progesterone" and 'progestin.' See what cholesterol looks like to a biochemist! AND, as an ADDED bonus, thrill to secrets passed down through generations of pharmacists regarding the source and name derivation of Premarin [hint: PREgnant MARe's urINe], and properties of its primary active components: sodium estrone sulfate and sodium equilin sulfate. And much, much more. More than you ever wanted to know, WOW! A single layer, pecl it.

Or electrolysis? That subject near and dear to our hearts, our faces, our pocketbooks, and our (OUCH!) pain thresholds. It always seems that more of those li'l critters manage to pop up, just when you thought you'd reached a stage of clearing a particular area. Or the calculations involved in determining whether to shave NOW or LATER or NOT (risking "scruffy" days before your next appointment), and STILL negotiating life in the interim as a smooth-faced woman. Or, for many, the dread of enduring that torture needle for another X minutes or Y hours. But one thing's for sure: your dedication will show itself. Should you do thermolysis? Galvanic? The blend? Fear not. For all the answers to these and other earth-shaking questions, just get yourself a copy of that definitive tome, "Jenn's Unexpurgated Electrolysis Primer," a
STEAL at $3.98. (F to M people can skip this section. Ooops, sorry Folks, too late.)

Ah, what about cosmetic surgery? Plastic surgeons can lift, liposuck, reduce, snip, augment, implant, tuck, and do many interesting things to your corpus, all in the name of IM PROVING its (your) physical appearance. Now first of all, it's said, the importance of any changes resides in the mind. I don't know if l believe THAT or not (see discussion several paragraphs below), but gee, it all seems so simple, right? You save up your dollars, you go for a consultation, you set a date, and then you sit back and figure, well, that's it, that's all there is to it - lie back and let 'em slice. BINGO! But WHOA! Not so fast, Kemo Sabe. First you have to wake up from the anesthesia and get yourself locomoted out of there in one piece, if it's an outpatient facility, and the fun and games begin: take your antibiotics and pain pills, and do all those little unmentionable tasks they DIDN'T tell you about beforehand. These are discussed in my excellent text, just out: "Dr. A.' Compleat Cosmetic Surgery," for - wouldja believe?! - only $3.98 at your local bookstore! AND, for a short time only, order now and get the lyrics to that RAVE hit song sweeping the charts, "Felix," sung to the tune of "Feelings." For greatest benefit, you should buy the book, of course, but I CAN offer a tip or two here to incite your interest. GRATIS.

Like, from Chapter One, dedicated to the "Care and Feeding of Your New (and Beautiful) Nose." The fun really starts when those bandages come off and that swollen proboscis/honker emerges, seemingly much LARGER than when you took it in for repairs. Then there's the potential reshaping and rebalancing, as your recalcitrant cartilage seeks its own perverse path of least resistance which, you are solemnly advised, MUST be actively corrected. And don't forget the exercises of clearing out detritus of accumulated organic tissue (mucus, blood, etc.) by irrigation (sniffing) with homemade saline solution. Or those repeat visits for God knows HOW long till all is healed, and at last you've finally exchanged that awful beak for an honest woman's nose. WHICH YOU'LL LOVE!! So PEEL that onion, lightly. Be sure to read Chapter Two on tracheal shaves, sore throats, and how to deal with a [Hopefully temporary] FROGGY VOICE. Ah, the joys of onions!

Hmm, fulltime living, anyone? Oh yes, here we are doin' FULL TIME!!! Well, really, Dear, this is what it's ALL about, isn't it? Almost? I mean, you WOULDN'T be caught dead going through all this if it WEREN'T in your game plan, now, would you? What? Oh, you're having second thoughts? Well, yes, now you REALLY see this is no simple game we're taking about- It's merely the rest of your life! Okay, you may have read about the "XY Shuffle," but that piece was written months ago. Now it's the "XX Shuffle, " Babes, and that means FULL TIME, at home, work, and play! SO, shouldn't the XX Shuffle get equal billing? It's only fair. Surely, the "XX Shuffle" deserves a column all its own, but - ALAS! - such is apparently not to be. But you CAN get the paperback for - YOU GUESSED IT! -just $3.98. So call now. Operators are standing by to take your order.

Time was, this whole idea of living full time loomed as a distant dream for all of us. Something glorious, not really real: a far off blissful state of being, punctuated by shafts of golden sunlight streaming down through magnificent cloud banks, graced by melodious voices of heavenly hosts, suffused with ethereal fragrances; your entire BEING hoisted up upon mighty wings of unending emotion, exalted. Like dyin' an' goin' to HEAVEN! You get the picture, you know EXACTLY what I mean! But like now it's HERE, in full force, with a whole new set of
joys and worries, freedoms and hassles. "Worries?" you ask, unaware that such an existence could even come CLOSE to engendering "worries." Hassles? Am... AGAIN??!! Well, yes.

And now for the bottom line, another layer exposed, SURPRISE!!! You might as well know the truth: actually, it's not all that EASY being a girl, didn't they TELL you? Or, BECOMING one. It's fun, it's delightful, it's 'WONDERFUL and ALL those good things, but... Like.. There ARE all these new little layers to peel your way through. Oh, my, where to begin?

Well, like maybe NOT being listened to or taken as seriously as before? Oh yes, it's true. Being talked THROUGH instead of to? Yes, sadly to say, it happens. But SERIOUSLY, let's consider the not inconsiderable demands on one's poor abused pocketbook! Consider that YOU will be SINGLEHANDEDLY supporting the entire women fashion and cosmetic industries, maintaining hundreds of thousands of jobs worldwide in your full-time pursuit of sartorial and COSMIC splendor. Part of the price, the dues. Anybody want some surplus XY clothing? BUT WAIT! Not so fast!! I see by the LATEST fashion news that now, for some strange unfathomable reason, the girls seem to be copying the BOYS this season. Does this mean you gotta keep wearing those same old XY clothes??!! Pinstripe suits, ties, vests, wingtip shoes? TROUSERS??!! WHOA! WAITASECOND! PLEASE! NO! IT'S NOT FAIR! Ah well, peel that onion.

And demands on one's time! Why, just getting ready for work takes a Little bit of extra effort in the AM. A little bit. EVERY morning. And whenever you need to go out. Not just alternate Saturdays for XX Club meetings, or other intermittent occasions, but regularly, EVERY day. Day in, day out. But you know something? It's a wonderfully CONFIRMING process, the DOING of it. It's real. It's worth it. There's definitely something psychological going on there, though I can't quite put my finger on what it is, exactly. Psychological layers to peel.
And then, in pretty quick order, you get USED to it, like second nature. Things become NORMAL again. I mean, you begin to feel like a NORMAL person again (if you ever REALLY did before), and all these things become matter-of-course. Only, you just happen to be living as a female rather than as a male (or vice versa, I suppose, for those of you inclined THAT way). Would you have believed THAT
would happen if someone had told you? It's true! Perhaps a surprise, a pleasant layer to encounter. Or maybe you DD sort of know it was there, just WAITING for you, but somehow you really didn't fully believe it. Enjoy. Read all about it in "Old Doc A.' Annotated Full-Time Almanac," now at popular prices, REDUCED to $3.98. WHO COULD RESIST?! Go ahead,  peel the onion.

Yes, we must deal with these psychological changes - GROWTH, if you will - that accompany the physical changes and external physical events. But who's to say the external, tangible "physical" is in any sense more real than the internal, somewhat Intangible "psychological"? To a great extent, it is these internal feelings, assessments, responses and decisions which ultimately guide and direct our behavior and the tenor of our lives. FEELINGS: the very real sense of wonder and awe - and, yes, apprehension - as we approach the MEANING of these new discoveries and apply them to our lives, (Peel, yes, but the song? PLEASE, not again.)

And SRS, what's it like? Can't say, haven't been there yet. Or beyond, toward a fuller sense of normalcy over on the destination side. Normalcy with self and in relationships as well. But you can be sure that ILA Creative Publications will offer the obligatory literature - required reading for all - when THAT time comes, with all the answers to these and other questions. Wonderful though it be, SRS is only another layer
- NOT the endpoint many (who HAVEN'T been there yet) make it out to be. Those who HAVE been there will tell you that, after the glow's worn off. So many layers yet to go, each one a new beginning, each a prelude to the next, and the next, which continue on for a lifetime. They never end. As long as you're alive there IS NO identifiable endpoint, only more layers. And the way you peel them determines what those underneath will be like. AMAZING! Who'd a believed it? Onions make you cry? Wear goggles, hold your nose. Peel away. The onion. The onion is you.

With any intellectual curiosity, you'll find yourself asking questions like "Who am I becoming, how am I changing?" And MOST importantly, "Is all of this RIGHT for me? Is this true?"

The bottom line is, you can read books and you can talk to those who've been there. But to get to the heart of the matter, you've gotta do it yourself. So go ahead, peel. Layer by layer. The onion. The onion is you.

by Dianna C.
 

The Gender Identity Center of Colorado (GIC) is only about 200 miles north of " TS Mecca," Trinadad, Colorado. That's about three to four hours by car, depending upon your testosterone levels. It's a little over six hours by bus, with stops in Colorado Springs, Pueblo, and several small towns along the way. The last two hundred miles of a life time journey for some, the first two hundred of the rest of a lifetime for others.
The last hour of the trip is through some pretty desolate desert country: gently rolling brown plains and plateaus sparsely dotted with scrub brush and small cactus. Trinidad is a turn~f4hecentury town situated in a shallow valley between a desert plateau and a mountain ridge. Mt. San Raphael Hospital is a modern facility off to the southeast, on the hills overlooking the town. The old hospital building, a Hollywood- horror-movie type structure, was torn down about five years ago. How brave the girls who entered that building to begin a new life must have been!

Tapestry and other gender community publications have published many glowing stories about Sex Reassignment Surgery from nearly every conceivable angle. But, so far, no one has been willing to address any of the major problems. My experiences indicate that the anticipated improvements in personal quality of life are not quite so easy to obtain, nor are they so beautiful as these stories would indicated. And none of these problems are with Dr. Biber's work. Dr. Biber is an artist, a first-rate sculptor.

I have driven quite a few, girls from Denver's air port to Trinidad and or back to Denver; several other GIC girls have also helped with this service. It is actually very educational, to see and talk with girls from around the world all sharing a common bond. In this brief period of very intense personal reflection for these girls, the good, the bad, and the ugly situations are immediately apparent.

The major problems arise from giving into a testosterone-induced, male ego drivenneed to accomplish and complete the task above all else; failing to really personally consider the consequences, the options and alternatives with a qualified/educated/experienced therapist before scheduling surgery.

This misguided quest is the result of an absolutely unreasoned belief that Sex Reassignment Surgery will make all of life's clouds go away, and that the world wilI turn Technicolor-beautiful with the completion of the surgery. Surgery can only fix what is wrong with your body; surgery can never fix what is wrong in you life. SRS will not, by itself, make life more livable.

Surgery cannot and will not change anyone's perception of who or what you are.  No one will ever know whether unless you tell them, or show them.  If you have to to prove that you have indoor plumbing to pass as a woman, you will never pass as a Woman. The major quality of life problem become undeniably obvious soon after the options have been cut off.

One of the most common problems I see in the Trinidad recovery rooms is a lack of electrolysis. Hormone replacement therapy and surgery will not stop facial hair regrowth. My personal belief is that it is critical for facial electrolysis to be completed prior to surgery, because the alternative, the option, is to spend two or more years as a bearded lady. The hairs need to be long enough for the electrologist to see their direction of growth and grasp them for removal.

Another major problem is related to lack of physical preparation for surgery. If you have been a couch potato, hidden away while waiting for you "twelve months" to go by, your body will have a much harder and more painful time healing. I am amazed by the variety of colors I have seen a post-op body ~ generate; I didn't know it was possible for the human body to turn some of those colors. The levels of pain and discomfort expressed during the first few days after surgery, and the ability to use the dilator over the next few weeks without intense pain are directly related to prior physical conditioning and overall health. The girls who were careful about their diet and exercised regularly over a long period of time prior to surgery had little swelling, no abnormal coloration, and quickly went off pain medication (often in only one day!).

But, probably the biggest horror stories of all are the ones with the most long4erm ramifications. And these are from the girls who were not psychologically ready fur the lifestyle changes. Being absolutely convinced of the necessity of the surgery is not the same as having prepared to live life as a woman. Hating your body is not the same as proving, at least to yourself, that you can live,  work, socialize, and survive in the female role, twenty-four hours per day. Proving to yourself and to the world around you that you can face and accept life's challenges as they come as a woman, and not just survive in a "safe" world of your own creation is critical.

How do you help a new woman whose total real-world cross-living experience is one week in a polyester pantsuit? How do you help anyone who has been acculturated in the male role, willingly or not, to even begin to understand that the culture of  women is far more than makeup,
clothing, and body shape? Where do you send people to learn about how and why women treat each other the ways they do? Where can anyone learn about women, beyond the flashy, glittery, sexy, and erotic vision some women generate to attract men? Where will anyone learn about the difference between attractive and credible, desirable and smart, easy and capable? The only way to learn is by doing, by being, by experiencing all of this first hand, all under the guidance of a teacher who knows the difference.

What do you say to someone who has lived fulltime as a woman for several years, except for “on the job?" How do you begin to help someone who has no work  experience in the female role determine which discrimination problems and which hiring and work problems are related to being a real woman and which are related to have been read/made/known as a transsexual? Where do you even begin to try to help a new  woman who thinks fixing cars for people in the neighborhood is a "safe" career? How do you approach anew woman who genuinely believes that she will have an extreme competitive advantage over other woman in the workplace because as a man she was able to see and learn the male games? Where do you begin to explain that men in the work force will never tolerate a woman who acts that much like a man?

It is truly fascinating listening to people who have spent years believing that a specific shade of makeup or nail color can make or break their ability to pass as a woman. It is truly fascinating listening to people who have spent years believing that it is crucial to learn how to walk, stand, and sit like a woman in order to pass as a woman. It is truly ,.fascinating listening to people who have spent years believing that

it is absolutely necessary to wear dresses, or a least skirts and blouses, but never sack or jeans, in order to pass as a woman. But, truly the most intensely fascinating aspect is how these people believe that their male-world, male-culture attitude toward life and business will not generate any problem in their abillty to pass as a woman! How do you help a new woman who has been half of a gay cross dressing couple, who flipped a coin to determine which one would have the operation with the agreement that the loser would grow a beard and live as the husband?
Where do you begin to help someone who is almost two years post -op, who has returned for labioplasty (the phase two operation that makes the vagina more visually perfect), and who is still afraid to use the women's rest rooms?

How do you help someone whose need to act ladylike overwhelms even their need to express real discomfort and/or pain to the hospital staff? What do you say to someone whose self-image is so poor that they have to show you photographs taken by makeover artists, brought along to Trinidad specifically to 'prove" that they really can pass (visually) as women?

What do you say to the girls whose personal paranoia is still so huge that they believe that the people of Trinidad really notice or care what they are doing? Dr. Biber acknowledges at least 2,700 Sex Reassignment Surgeries in addition to his regular practice. But, time after time I hear how everyone in the hospital comes by the room to stare at the "weirdo" and, "Would you please keep the door closed so they won't do that, " and, even worse, "They stand outside my window and stare in at me like I was in a zoo, or something." Nobody in Trinidad notices or cares who or what you are, whether you pass or not. It is too common here; the townspeople couldn't care less. If anything, it is the paranoia that makes others uncomfortable, because they can't be sure what it is those girls really are hiding!

How do you help the recent postop with a routine like dilation? Where do you find the strength to help someone who has led an undisciplined life suddenly stick to a schedule that absolutely mandates an intensely painful dilation (a process that has been described as self-impaling) every four hours, a process that may take an hour or more each time.

And the hardest of all, what do you say to someone who is finally ready to acknowledge, eight or ten days after surgery, that having indoor plumbing will not change how others relate to them; that they still have to resolve the reaction of family members and maybe even co-workers? How do you comfort the new woman who received no flowers or cards, no phone calls, no outside support other than possibly a visit form someone from the GIC?

If the new woman didn't care enough about herself to get into shape physically and emotionally before surgery, what will it take to get her to care enough afterwards? If she didn't care enough about her future to take care of her life and her lifestyle before Sex Reassignment Surgery, how will that event change anything?

The questions asked here have to do with one woman's attitude of caring, of reaching out to help other new women with understanding and empathy, support and aid. A man would say he didn't need any help, thanks. A man would say everyone has their own problems, that no one should need to help and care that much for another person, and that no one should expect that much help and care. And that is why the medical community refers to most new women as PostopTranssexuals," rather than as "women."

Because, you see, the price to be paid to achieve this dream of all dreams (mother of all dreams??) is like a yard long ruler, with inch marks as checkpoints. You must pay the full price, sometime, somewhere; you must reach and accomplish each and every check point. You do have the freedom to choose to have your plumbing moved indoors at any point along the ruler, but you will still travel the lull distance. And the experiences of the girls who have gone before you proves over and over, without exception, that the more of  the checkpoints you accomplish before surgery, the easier all the rest of the cheek points are to reach. It really is a "Pay now or pay later" deal.

  Trinidad stands at the beginning of Raton pass, linking the southern Colorado desert to the New Mexico desert via 1-25 Raton pass begins the only reasonable route through the mountams which separate these deserts. For rmany trarissexuals, Trinidad likewise stands at the beginning of the pass between two lives. Make sure your vehicle," your life, is prepared for the trip across the desert to the other side, and not just for barely making the trip over the pass!
(reprinted from The Tv/Ts Tapestry, issue 16)

Studying brains obtained from autopsies, researchers at the University of California in Los Angeles have found that an important structure connecting the left and right sides of the brain, already known to be larger in women than in men, is larger still in homosexual men.
Combined with an earlier study at the Salk Institute for Biological Sciences, which found that another area of the brain was smaller in gay

men, the findings reported today in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggests that homosexuality is not linked to any throughout the entire brain.
"This is very significant because here we have apart of the brain that has nothing to do with sex," said Salk neuroscientist Simon LeVay, who last year reported the first differences in the brains of homosexual men.

"Something unusual is clearly happening when the brain is organizing itself in fetal life," LeVay said. 'This strongly supports the idea that there is a biological basis for the determination of sexual orientation. It's one more nail in the coffin," he said, of critics who argue that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice and thus against nature.  It also further discredits the idea that that parental influence turns children toward homosexuality.

"This study supports our belief that nature created us just the way we are and that there is no reason to fix anything because nothing is broken ," added Robert Bray, spokesman for the Gay and Lesbian Task Force in Washington. "It supports our assertion that we are born this way."
Reprinted from the Hartford Courant, August